一个没有爱情的女人，就有如枯谢的花朵。一个没有爱情的女人，也可以是一朵牵牛花。因为他是哪么努力的往上长。牵牛花呀，牵牛花，你要努力地往上长，你才能开放出美丽的花朵！
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Sick!
I hate falling sick! Having this horrible headache that bugs me since I had my evening class.. Want to get my health in pink shape as quick as possible! I have always being interested to learn in line skate but cant afford to buy that skate.. Well.. I guess, I just have to save up for it..
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Hide and Seek
I wont not say that the show 'hide and seek' is a bad show. Most people would said that this show is very typical show in the sense that this sort of story line have being used again and again. As for me, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this show.
When a person is sick and he feels unwell, he will look for a doctor. Yet most of the time, when a person is metally unwell, he will not look for help as he himself does not find that he have such problem. Often, he will lock his inner self up, looking ways and means to help himself. Most of the time his behaviour affect his lifestyle and his people around him.Under the hyper dictonary defination, split personality or mulitplex personality is: [n] a relatively rare dissociative disorder in which the usual integrity of the personality breaks down and two or more independent personalities emerge
In the show, the main cast,David was hurt and betray by his wife.His feeling began to turn into hatered,leading him to kill his own wife. He had split personality then,he did it his own will.His ways led him to causes more pain to her daughter.
To be continued...
When a person is sick and he feels unwell, he will look for a doctor. Yet most of the time, when a person is metally unwell, he will not look for help as he himself does not find that he have such problem. Often, he will lock his inner self up, looking ways and means to help himself. Most of the time his behaviour affect his lifestyle and his people around him.Under the hyper dictonary defination, split personality or mulitplex personality is: [n] a relatively rare dissociative disorder in which the usual integrity of the personality breaks down and two or more independent personalities emerge
In the show, the main cast,David was hurt and betray by his wife.His feeling began to turn into hatered,leading him to kill his own wife. He had split personality then,he did it his own will.His ways led him to causes more pain to her daughter.
To be continued...
Saturday, February 19, 2005
To the seaside part 3
I am so glad that I came to the sea side.. It is 8pm.. The sun have completely set, and now the moon is in set to take its shift. The moon is not lonely tonite as he has lots of stars by his side. Looking at this sight, remind me that I still have my friends beside me when I need them...
To the seaside again.Part 2
The sun began to set, the and clouds seems to be flying low. The sun breeze got so stronge that I am begining to feel very cold. Very relieved that I brought along my blue giordano jacket to keep myself warm.. Getting to feel a bit lonely here as I see couples and family by the sea side, enjoying the their evening. It make me wonder if they are happy to be here or that they do not have a choice.. A SQ plane just flied by low, given me an urge of taking a plane to run away from this small little island. Any where, let me just go to any place, a place where I can forget all my problems. I am very tired too.. Tired of meeting up with died lines for asserment, tired of being cash strip every month, tired of being nobody. But in the past, by the end of the week, I feel relieved and safe as I had him with me then.. And now, I can only have him within my heart. I guess, it is not important that you must 'own' that someone. As long as that someone is happy and safe out there, you will be happy as well. Wishing you the best..
To the seaside again.
Just finished my work at the child care centre.. Gosh.. It is not easy to be a child care teacher at all, there is so much things to do. On my way to the sea side now,want to enjoy the evening sun light. This is definately a crowded place on sat, campers setting up their tents to stay overnight, and there is even someone out here doing surfing as well.. I will stay here to about 730, as I have booked a ticket to watch 'hide and seek' alone. Hopefully I am sitting at a good position as the booking was done via axs machine. I'm a big fan of scary movie, you may find it silly. Why spent the money to get yourself frightened? I guess it is the thrill and unknown that attracts me. Looking forward to watch 'white noise', whereby have made arrangement to watch with my girlfriends.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Yummy!
Yummy.. Watching this taiwanese show host by the famous model Lin Zhi Lin. Wah, she can speake very good japanese.. They went to this restaurant call mouriya kobe. This place served very good kobe beef. One thin slice of kobe beef is about sin dollars 30.. They mention that a three years old kobe beef is best for consuming. A three years old kobe cow is about human year 18 years old. During these three years, the cow will drink beer, they will listen to music and they get very personal service like massage! No wonder kobe beef taste so good. I have yet to eat kobe beef. Hope to find a local restaurant here that serve good kobe beef.. But for now, I guess I just have to wait, because I am broke! Haha..
Thursday, February 17, 2005
My girlfriend2
It is 9pm.. Just miss my bus, it take other 20 mins for me to wait for another bus. In the past, he used to pick me up, but like what I wrote it is in the past. I told one of my girlfriend again on what happened between me and him, and she mention that there is a high possibility that he may have someone in his heart. I told her that I totally trust him that he did not have any other girl. But since we are no longer a couple now. I cant stop him from finding another girl. I just hope that he will not repeat his old ways any more.. As for me, I have to be stronge and lead myself to be a brand new person.
Thank You!
I am not looking for pity here.. Hope my friends can understand, I am just making full use of the Blog to make my life easier. I dont wish to repeat my story again and again.. Hence I guess such is a very good way from repeating myself. I like to thank all my friends who have called me, giving me lots of encouragement and support. The world will still spin, time will still tick and life still have to go on. My world did not just stop here, as I am just like another girl who is out of love. Nothing in this world have changed just for me. Hence I have to be stronge and walk on. Friends thank you for being there for me when I needed help most..
My Judgment Day is here
I lost half the capulse that he gave it to me. It is a red capulse, whereby you can screw it out and put in a note.
I felt very frighted, a surge of feeling came flowing up and made known to me that this relationship may end.
I made a call to him, he refused to take my call,leaving me not chosen but to message him.
"I like to ask you if you have come up with a decision.".
To my horror, his decision is, he don't want to carry on anymore.
I am totally lost.
He hope that we still can be as friends, and I told him that it will be pretty hard,
as I will always be carrying that torch for him. He said that he will be there for me if I were to ever need his help.
But then again, it will never be the same.
I know that I have to be stronge, I have to stand up again. I guess we still can be friends.
Though things have changed, I just like you to know that you are the best boyfriend I ever have.
Hence,I wish that we still can be friends...
At this point, my friends are important to me, but I noticed that there is a lot of things I have missed out while I was with him. I have lost touch with a lot of my friends.. I am very determind now that I should contact my friends more often!
Tomorrow will be a brand new day.. I don't know how my fate will leave me to, but I guess, life still have to go on..
PS: I know that my English sucks.. please beared with me.. trying very hard to improve it.
I felt very frighted, a surge of feeling came flowing up and made known to me that this relationship may end.
I made a call to him, he refused to take my call,leaving me not chosen but to message him.
"I like to ask you if you have come up with a decision.".
To my horror, his decision is, he don't want to carry on anymore.
I am totally lost.
He hope that we still can be as friends, and I told him that it will be pretty hard,
as I will always be carrying that torch for him. He said that he will be there for me if I were to ever need his help.
But then again, it will never be the same.
I know that I have to be stronge, I have to stand up again. I guess we still can be friends.
Though things have changed, I just like you to know that you are the best boyfriend I ever have.
Hence,I wish that we still can be friends...
At this point, my friends are important to me, but I noticed that there is a lot of things I have missed out while I was with him. I have lost touch with a lot of my friends.. I am very determind now that I should contact my friends more often!
Tomorrow will be a brand new day.. I don't know how my fate will leave me to, but I guess, life still have to go on..
PS: I know that my English sucks.. please beared with me.. trying very hard to improve it.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Stop Blog
On my way to see one of girlfriend who got degee fever.. I will stop
my Blog, till my judgment day come.. Pls pray for me that it will
be a happy ending. For now, all I can do is pray hard and wait. Somehow
or rather I have a feeling that he may not be reading all my writing
at all. I will stop all my emails and msg to him as well.. I guess what
should have being done are being done already.. It is now all up to
him, it is his call now.
my Blog, till my judgment day come.. Pls pray for me that it will
be a happy ending. For now, all I can do is pray hard and wait. Somehow
or rather I have a feeling that he may not be reading all my writing
at all. I will stop all my emails and msg to him as well.. I guess what
should have being done are being done already.. It is now all up to
him, it is his call now.
Life
I never like writing, but for the past one day, I had wrote a lot on my
own thoughts and feelings..
I am still by the sea side it is 2.19pm in the afternoon. The sound of the ocean and the breeze leaves me so much in a serene mood.
There is not much people here though. An old man is sleeping on the bench on the extreme left side me, while a couple is sitting on the extreme right side, whispering sweet words to each other. I am not afraid of being single, what I am afraid most, is that I would not be love and cared by him any more. It may sound silly, after all judgment day is not here for me. Why do I have to worry so much?
The reason is simple, the fact that one is going to lost someone they love deeply, is enough to send one crazy..
The music made by the ocean got louder and the sun shone brightly, leaving me in a daze, wondering how my life is going to be written
own thoughts and feelings..
I am still by the sea side it is 2.19pm in the afternoon. The sound of the ocean and the breeze leaves me so much in a serene mood.
There is not much people here though. An old man is sleeping on the bench on the extreme left side me, while a couple is sitting on the extreme right side, whispering sweet words to each other. I am not afraid of being single, what I am afraid most, is that I would not be love and cared by him any more. It may sound silly, after all judgment day is not here for me. Why do I have to worry so much?
The reason is simple, the fact that one is going to lost someone they love deeply, is enough to send one crazy..
The music made by the ocean got louder and the sun shone brightly, leaving me in a daze, wondering how my life is going to be written
The Afternoon Breeze
I am the seaside now enjoying the afternoon breeze. You may think I am
crazy.. But dont worry I will not do anything silly, it is not that hot
anyway..
This place gave me such a serene feeling. It had witness so
much of my ups and downs. It had heal my wounds when I broke up with
Colin.. It had witness my first hug with him when he was feeling sorrow at
that time. (we were not a couple back then) it makes me wonder now if he is
feeling the same kind of sorrow now..
We often came here then, at the time when we were so much in love. He felt that he was so much connected with me then.. He told me that he love me.. There was once he was almost on his knee when he told me that. We have so much to share then, our
thoughts, feelings and faith.. He told me that he will prove it to me
that he will make everything rite, for the two of us. And that he wish
that all this will work for us. He gave me a red capsule where a note is
place inside..
And the message goes like this."this is juz a simple note to say how much I Love you! Hope u keep this close 2 ur heart"...
Dear if u r reading this.. I hope that you can take out the heart that I have gave you which you placed it in your wallet.. Open it up,there is a message for you..
crazy.. But dont worry I will not do anything silly, it is not that hot
anyway..
This place gave me such a serene feeling. It had witness so
much of my ups and downs. It had heal my wounds when I broke up with
Colin.. It had witness my first hug with him when he was feeling sorrow at
that time. (we were not a couple back then) it makes me wonder now if he is
feeling the same kind of sorrow now..
We often came here then, at the time when we were so much in love. He felt that he was so much connected with me then.. He told me that he love me.. There was once he was almost on his knee when he told me that. We have so much to share then, our
thoughts, feelings and faith.. He told me that he will prove it to me
that he will make everything rite, for the two of us. And that he wish
that all this will work for us. He gave me a red capsule where a note is
place inside..
And the message goes like this."this is juz a simple note to say how much I Love you! Hope u keep this close 2 ur heart"...
Dear if u r reading this.. I hope that you can take out the heart that I have gave you which you placed it in your wallet.. Open it up,there is a message for you..
A brand New Day
It is 7.12am, a fresh new day. Some how or rather, my heart still ache.
Recalling my action and behaviour, I began to realise that alll the traits
resemble someone who he knows. A person who was full of jealousy and a little bit of self inferior complex.In the end he turns out to be out of control and dangerous..
(Don't worry , I will not turn out to be dangerous)
Can't really blame me to turn out this way, how would one feel if the other keep on unconsciously mentioning about someone' name in every small detail?
I swallowed it up in my stomach, I knew that there was nothing going on between them though, but I feel uncomfortable. The least I could do is to tell him nicely that "Hey I don't feel uncomfortable about .." the whole thing, I hope that things can improve but this does not means that you two can't meet up any more
But in the end he took it that I don't trust him and made the girl felt bad...
I am not here to blame anybody, not him, not her or me.I am not the judge or god here. There is too many gray areas in this problem(From what I see..)
But then again, I felt that my bond with him have being rob away. Gone are the days whereby we used to share ideas and goals and feelings. There is a serious breaking down communcation here. Is it me or him? For all I know, we can fix the problem and that is if he wants to or not...
Recalling my action and behaviour, I began to realise that alll the traits
resemble someone who he knows. A person who was full of jealousy and a little bit of self inferior complex.In the end he turns out to be out of control and dangerous..
(Don't worry , I will not turn out to be dangerous)
Can't really blame me to turn out this way, how would one feel if the other keep on unconsciously mentioning about someone' name in every small detail?
I swallowed it up in my stomach, I knew that there was nothing going on between them though, but I feel uncomfortable. The least I could do is to tell him nicely that "Hey I don't feel uncomfortable about .." the whole thing, I hope that things can improve but this does not means that you two can't meet up any more
But in the end he took it that I don't trust him and made the girl felt bad...
I am not here to blame anybody, not him, not her or me.I am not the judge or god here. There is too many gray areas in this problem(From what I see..)
But then again, I felt that my bond with him have being rob away. Gone are the days whereby we used to share ideas and goals and feelings. There is a serious breaking down communcation here. Is it me or him? For all I know, we can fix the problem and that is if he wants to or not...
My GirlFriend
I am so thankful that my girlfriend is there for me when I need her!
I have to also understand that even if this relationship were to fail,
I must still stand up on myself to walk,and my grilfriend will be there to support me only if I were to fall. All I can do is wait, to wait for the reply. Though it has being one day since the cool off period,it has being living hell for me.
I wish and pray hard that everything will turn out to be a happy ending and that he will give me a chance, a chance to believe in our relationship as well.
And though the bad is hard to swallow, I will still accept the fact.
I have to also understand that even if this relationship were to fail,
I must still stand up on myself to walk,and my grilfriend will be there to support me only if I were to fall. All I can do is wait, to wait for the reply. Though it has being one day since the cool off period,it has being living hell for me.
I wish and pray hard that everything will turn out to be a happy ending and that he will give me a chance, a chance to believe in our relationship as well.
And though the bad is hard to swallow, I will still accept the fact.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Me and Him
Our beginning was like a dream; it wasn’t easy for us to be together. We promised to each other that we would take care and cherish this relationship. Never would we want our past experience to repeat it again. We had our first kiss at the Bedok Reservoir, it was on the 13 May 2003. He held my chin and put his lips to mine. It was a kiss that I will never forget.
It was a tough period to get back after our first kiss. We could only get comfort from each other during those time
He came to meet me near the Far East Shopping Centre that night, it was my birthday. I was having dinner with my friends then.. We sat at the bench till the night got cold. He took me to his place,and we sat at the bench near the swimming pool. The night got colder , and he warmed me with his hands.
We went up to his room, and he showed me the present that he got for me. There was a bunch of paper rose held in a small vase. A Me to You bear photo frame with our photo in it. My favorite cartoon character tigger ring, lastly he got me a set of earrings and necklace in heart shape, and lastly my birthday card.Unfortunately, I have sensitive ears, hence I can't wear the pair of earrings.(But I am wearing it now..though it will itch... but I don't care..) He did not send me home though, and I insisted that it is ok that I go home myself, as the it was too late..(He was riding a bike then) Gifts from him did not just stop there.. Though they are not expensive but they mean every little meanings and thoughs from him.
Up to date he have gave me 10 cards, and every 10 cards, he wrote lots of wishes and blessing that he wants for the both of us. He knew that we are going to walk this tough road when I was going to start my dip course. In one of his card that he gave me back dated 13 May’04.
“Its been a tough 1 year for both of us as we have numerous obsticles to clear but we ‘ve made thru it.
“I hope you put your heart and soul into making this work for you. Don’t worry as I will be there for you No MATTER WHAT HAPPENS” (Back dated 21 May2004)
He gave me all the support and help that I need all this while. I am gald that he did. Not just mentally but finanically as well
But yesterday, he told me that he can’t carry this burdern any more.. He felt very tired. All his feelings and love for me are no longer that strong any more.
I admit I have faults, faults that should never have ever exist in our relationship. And that is not trusting him. But I am not pround of my action at all. The action of snob around his stuff. He felt that he no longer have the privacy that he used to have. I realised my mistake now. I a truly want to change this wrong action that I have done to be right. At the same time, it also bolied down to the fact that I love him too much. So much to the fact that I want him all to my own.
Lastly, I really do hope that he read all this, give me a chance, at the same time believing our relationship all over again. Like to wish you Happy Valentine's Day. No matter where you are.
It was a tough period to get back after our first kiss. We could only get comfort from each other during those time
He came to meet me near the Far East Shopping Centre that night, it was my birthday. I was having dinner with my friends then.. We sat at the bench till the night got cold. He took me to his place,and we sat at the bench near the swimming pool. The night got colder , and he warmed me with his hands.
We went up to his room, and he showed me the present that he got for me. There was a bunch of paper rose held in a small vase. A Me to You bear photo frame with our photo in it. My favorite cartoon character tigger ring, lastly he got me a set of earrings and necklace in heart shape, and lastly my birthday card.Unfortunately, I have sensitive ears, hence I can't wear the pair of earrings.(But I am wearing it now..though it will itch... but I don't care..) He did not send me home though, and I insisted that it is ok that I go home myself, as the it was too late..(He was riding a bike then) Gifts from him did not just stop there.. Though they are not expensive but they mean every little meanings and thoughs from him.
Up to date he have gave me 10 cards, and every 10 cards, he wrote lots of wishes and blessing that he wants for the both of us. He knew that we are going to walk this tough road when I was going to start my dip course. In one of his card that he gave me back dated 13 May’04.
“Its been a tough 1 year for both of us as we have numerous obsticles to clear but we ‘ve made thru it.
“I hope you put your heart and soul into making this work for you. Don’t worry as I will be there for you No MATTER WHAT HAPPENS” (Back dated 21 May2004)
He gave me all the support and help that I need all this while. I am gald that he did. Not just mentally but finanically as well
But yesterday, he told me that he can’t carry this burdern any more.. He felt very tired. All his feelings and love for me are no longer that strong any more.
I admit I have faults, faults that should never have ever exist in our relationship. And that is not trusting him. But I am not pround of my action at all. The action of snob around his stuff. He felt that he no longer have the privacy that he used to have. I realised my mistake now. I a truly want to change this wrong action that I have done to be right. At the same time, it also bolied down to the fact that I love him too much. So much to the fact that I want him all to my own.
Lastly, I really do hope that he read all this, give me a chance, at the same time believing our relationship all over again. Like to wish you Happy Valentine's Day. No matter where you are.
Life Sucks PArt 2
This really sucks! To be alone on a V'Day..
I wonder how he is going to spend the day today..
I felt that my life at the moment is in a huge mess..
Will the mess vanish? Or how about i just do a vanish act?
Let me just vanish off from this earth... I do have to admit that
I do Have many Faults, But now that i know where the faults lie,
I wish to make things right! This is the pact we used to have ,
always make things if they is any things that when wrong get in the way..
But no... He just kept everything to himself, and now it is to the extent that it
may be unrepairable.. I really hope he is going to give me the chance..
and though all this quarrel thing.. I MISS him.. I really do...
I wonder how he is going to spend the day today..
I felt that my life at the moment is in a huge mess..
Will the mess vanish? Or how about i just do a vanish act?
Let me just vanish off from this earth... I do have to admit that
I do Have many Faults, But now that i know where the faults lie,
I wish to make things right! This is the pact we used to have ,
always make things if they is any things that when wrong get in the way..
But no... He just kept everything to himself, and now it is to the extent that it
may be unrepairable.. I really hope he is going to give me the chance..
and though all this quarrel thing.. I MISS him.. I really do...
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Life Sucks!
Life is a strange thing... Sometime I wonder what is life all about...
Just had a quarrel with him... and now he wants a cool off period..
What makes me mad is that we don't seems to have much problems.
The problem that he points out can be solve, and that is if he wanted to.
I am very lost.. all the while, he is my everything and now,
There may be a chance that we are going seperate ways..
I don't think we can ever be friends if we really do go seperate ways
He will always be in my heart, a place that no one can ever replace him.
I really pray hard that we can get back... and things will still be the same..
For all I know... I can, and will be able to change my ways for him..
Just had a quarrel with him... and now he wants a cool off period..
What makes me mad is that we don't seems to have much problems.
The problem that he points out can be solve, and that is if he wanted to.
I am very lost.. all the while, he is my everything and now,
There may be a chance that we are going seperate ways..
I don't think we can ever be friends if we really do go seperate ways
He will always be in my heart, a place that no one can ever replace him.
I really pray hard that we can get back... and things will still be the same..
For all I know... I can, and will be able to change my ways for him..
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